The Big Bang Theory The Mirror Mirror Continuum
by Chris Colon
Summary: Sheldon wakes up in a universe where Penny is the genius and the guys work at the Cheesecake Factory Please check out my website www . DoubleJackpot .us - NOTE is it NOT a dot com


COLD OPENING

INT. SHELDON'S OFFICE

(Sheldon, Howard, Niece)

SHELDON IS ON THE PHONE ALONE IN HIS UNIVERSITY OFFICE

SHELDON

(ON PHONE)

...why yes Dr. Gablehauser, I do thinks it's necessary to have that equipment for my lecture.

(PAUSES)

It would be just a small particle accelerator...

(INTERRUPTING)

No I don't know how much it exactly costs, somewhere around two million...

(AS IF HUNG UP ON)

Hello? Hello?

(HANGS UP PHONE)

You just can't talk to some people.

HOWARD KNOCKS ON SHELDON'S OPEN OFFICE DOOR HE IS STANDING WITH A PRECOCIOUS SANDY BLOND GIRL. THE GIRL AND HOWARD, BOTH LOOK UNHAPPY

HOWARD

(TO GIRL)

And this is where my friend, Professor Cooper works.

SHELDON

So Howard, they found a job a little more suited for your talents? Giving tours of the university.

HOWARD

(AS IF TRYING TO PROVE A POINT TO THE GIRL)

I am one our top engineers and contribute alot to this university. I've done projects for NASA, you know.

NIECE

(TO HOWARD)

I'm getting bored. Aunt Bernadette promised that you would help me with my science fair project. And so far, all we've done on this tour is visit the cafeteria, then that creepy non-talking Indian guy, and now...

(POINTS AT SHELDON)

Big Bird.

SOMETHING CATCHES THE NIECE'S ATTENTION

Ooh.

THE GIRL RUNS OVER TO SHELDON'S BOOK CASE AND GRABS A HOBERMAN SPHERE (SEE NOTES) AND STARTS EXPANDING AND CONTRACTING IT QUICKLY

NIECE

What's this?

SHELDON

(FLUSTERED)

Please don't touch that!

NIECE

(CONTINUES PLAYING WITH THE SPHERE)

I'll put it down, after you tell me what it is.

SHELDON GETS UP FROM HIS DESK AND RUSHES AND OVER TO THE GIRL WHO IS STILL PLAYING WITH THE SPHERE

SHELDON

That is a Hoberman sphere. Well actually, sphere is a bit of a misnomer because it's really Icosidodecahedron which is is a polyhedron with twenty triangular faces and twelve pentagonal faces.

NIECE

(STILL PLAYING WITH SPHERE)

It's kinda cool.

SHELDON

Yes it is cool, but it's also mine.

(SHELDON TRIES UNSUCCESSFULLY TO GRAB THE SPHERE BUT THE NIECE COLLAPSES IT, SNAGGING SHELDON'S FINGER. SHELDON QUICKLY RETRACTS HIS FINGER KISSING IT TO STOP THE PAIN)

Ow.

(TO HOWARD)

Howard she said she would put it down after I told him what it is. I told her what it is. And, yet, she's not putting it down.

NIECE

(STILL PLAYING WITH THE SPHERE)

Can I have this?

SHELDON

Absolutely not! Put that down now!

HOWARD

C'mon Sheldon, just let her have it.

SHELDON

(STILL TRYING TO GRAB THE SPHERE)

No! That is not a toy.

NIECE

(STILL KEEPING IT AWAY FROM SHELDON)

It certainly looks like a toy.

SHELDON

Even if that's the case, it's my toy and you can't have it.

SHELDON MAKES ONE LAST ATTEMPT TO GRAB THE SPHERE AND SUCCEEDS LEAVING HIS FACE UNCOMFORTABLY CLOSE TO THE NIECE. SHE LETS GO OF THE SPHERE BECAUSE SHE IS ABOUT TO SNEEZE. SHE SNEEZES DIRECTLY INTO SHELDON'S FACE.

SHELDON

Ahh!

THE SOUND OF SHELDON'S SCREAM. ALL THE WHILE AS THE CAMERA SHOWS THE OUTSIDE OF THE BUILDING, AN AERIAL SHOT OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD, AN AERIAL SHOT OF CALIFORNIA, A AERIAL SHOT OF THE UNITED STATES, AN AERIAL SHOT OF THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE AND A SHOT OF THE EARTH FROM SPACE

OPENING CREDITS

Act ONE - Scene A

INT. LEONARD AND SHELDON'S APARTMENT

(PENNY, SHELDON, HOWARD, LEONARD, AMY)

SHELDON IS LYING ON THE COUCH. HE HAS THE SHEETS TUCKED UP ALL THE WAY TO HIS CHEST WITH HIS ARMS FREE. ON HIS STOMACH IS A NOTEBOOK AND HE HAS A THERMOMETER ON HIS MOUTH. SHELDON IS WEARING (DC COMIC BOOK HERO)THE FLASH PAJAMAS. PENNY IS IN THE GUYS' KITCHEN MAKING SOUP.

SFX: DIGITAL WATCH BEEPING

SHELDON STOPS HIS BEEPING WATCH AND PULLS OUT THE THERMOMETER

SHELDON

(WORRIED)

Thirty eight point three degrees Celsius! My goodness, I am running a fever.

PENNY

Thirty eight degrees? Wouldn't that mean that you were freezing?

Sheldon

(EXASPERATED)

No, I said Celsius, not Fahrenheit. It's a much more accurate to document temperature.

SHELDON THEN OPENS HIS NOTEBOOK AND STARTS TO WRITE DOWN NOTES.

SHELDON

(SPOKEN SOFTLY TO HIMSELF AS HE WRITES IN THE NOTEBOOK)

Thirty-eight degrees.

Penny

Didn't you just take your temperature, like, five minutes ago.

Sheldon

Why, yes I did. I'm keeping track of any fluctuations. In case things take a turn for the worse and you have to rush me to the hospital.

Penny

But I thought you said that you would never ride in my car again.

Sheldon

Well, although feverish, I'm still trying to be logical about the whole situation. I can lay here as billions of germs take a toll on my immune system or I can take the quick way out and die in a fiery automobile crash... with you.

Penny

Well isn't that sweet.

Sheldon

Besides, Leonard should be home any minute now. He can take me to hospital and spare me the severed spine and third degree burns...with you

PENNY

Anyway, I'm a little surprised and proud that you didn't want to go directly to the hospital the moment you knew you were sick.

SHELDON

Why go and be around all those people, when everything I need is right here? Besides, my medicine chest has a wider selection than most pharmacies.

PENNY FINISHES UP IN THE KITCHEN AND LADLES THE SOUP INTO A BOWL. SHE DELIVERS THE BOWL TO SHELDON.

PENNY

When your done with my mom's old fashioned home-made soup, you won't need any of that medicine

SHELDON SITS UP AND RELUCTANTLY ACCEPTS THE BOWL FROM PENNY

PENNY

My mom said the most important ingredient is love.

SHELDON SNIFFS THE BOWL AND LOOKS DISGUSTED

SHELDON

Is that the ingredient in the soup that makes it smell like fertilizer?

Penny

(UPSET)

Well don't eat it if you don't want to. That is genuine Nebraskan Corn Husker soup. I called and got that recipe from my mom, just for you. And remember, you asked me to come over here and take care of you. Everyone else is working and I took off, just to make sure you were comfortable.

SHELDON

I'm sure the wheels of the Cheesecake Factory will come to a grinding halt, just because you took a day off.

PENNY

Now, you learn how to use sarcasm? Now ? You son of a...

BEFORE PENNY GET TO FINISH HER SENTENCE, SHE IS INTERRUPTED BY LEONARD AND HOWARD ENTERING THE APARTMENT

Leonard

Hey guys. How's everything?

PENNY

(LOUDLY)

Just great! I'm sure glad you're home.

(GESTURES TOWARDS SHELDON)

He's all yours! You can have him.

PENNY STORMS OUT OF THE APARTMENT SLAMMING THE DOOR LOUDLY BEHIND HER

HOWARD

What was that about?

Leonard

And, why does it smell like fertilizer?

SHELDON

That wonderful aroma that you are smelling, is Penny's home-made soup.

LEONARD

But, Penny can't cook.

SHELDON

(PUTTING THE BOWL DOWN ON THE COFFEE TABLE)

She still can't.

LEONARD

Well that's just great. Now I have to go over to her apartment and iron things out with Penny. And over a problem that I didn't start. Sheldon, why isn't your girlfriend, Amy Farrah Fowler, over here taking care of you, instead of Penny?

SHELDON

She is here.

SHELDON POINTS TO HIS LAPTOP. THE CAMERA SWITCHES OVER TO THE WEBCAM FEED OF AMY FARRAH FOWLER

AMY

(OVER WEBCAM)

Hi guys.

LEONARD

Hey Amy. Why aren't you here?

Amy

And expose myself to that biohazard? I think I not. As much as I am concerned for Sheldon's health, I couldn't possibly put myself at risk.

LEONARD

So you're not going to come over and take care of your boyfriend?

Amy

Do you have access to a hazmat suit that I can borrow?

LEONARD

Actually, yes.

AMY

The answer is still no.

LEONARD

Spoken like a true, loving girlfriend.

HOWARD WALKS OVER TO THE COUCH AND SITS NEXT SHELDON

HOWARD

So, how's our patient?

SHELDON

Stay away from me! It was because of you, and Bernadette's Niece, Typhoid Mary that I'm under the weather. You brought that harbinger of disease into my workspace, and now I'm paying for your negligence.

LEONARD

So why are you here on the couch? Doesn't the roommate agreement state that any contagious tenants are to be quarantined to their bedroom, until such time, as they can get a note from their doctor?

SHELDON

Once again Leonard, you failed to read the entire document. Section two point one four; a common area, vis-à-vis, the living room, shall be commandeered, without prior notice, for the purposes of using the communal television for the viewing of sci-fi marathons. And there is Star Trek, The Original Series, marathon on TBS for next twelve hours. I can think of no watching the exploits of the Starship Enterprise and her crew. That's all I need is rest, plenty of fluids, and my personal hero Leonard Nimoy.

SHELDON USES THE TV REMOTE CONTROL TO TURN UP THE VOLUME ON THE TELEVISION

SFX: ORCHESTRAL MUSIC, EXPLOSIONS AND LASER BLASTS

HOWARD

Oh. Hey! I love this episode.

LEONARD SITS DOWN IN THE SINGLE CHAIR

LEONARD

Which one?

SHELDON

The Mirror Mirror episode; season two, episode four. Originally aired October 6, 1967.

LEONARD

Wow, Sheldon. How did you remember all that? Is it your eidetic memory, or are you just an incredible nerd?

HOWARD

(UNDER HIS BREATH)

A little bit of both.

LEONARD LAUGHS

HOWARD

This is the episode, where the crew visits a planet and when they beam back to the Enterprise they accidentally end up in a parallel universe.

Leonard

I see Sheldon isn't the only nerd here.

SHELDON

It turns out that the crew, the ones that we are familiar with, find themselves in a parallel universe that which is almost identical in every way to their own. Except in that universe, the benevolent Federation of Planets has been replaced by the Ruthless Terran Empire. There's an opposite of every character, like Evil Kirk and Evil Spock...

Howard

(INTERRUPTING)

And not nearly enough Evil Uhura.

SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS

HOWARD'S CELL PHONE RINGS AND HE ANSWERS

HOWARD

(ON PHONE)

Hello?

(PAUSES)

What ? Really? We'll be right there!

(HANGS UP)

LEONARD

Who was that?

HOWARD

It was Raj. He was passing by Stuart's comic book shop and he spotted Jorge Garcia. You know that guy that plays Hurley on Lost. Raj says that he's just browsing through comics and if we hurry, we might get there in time to get a picture with him or an autograph.

LEONARD

Well, lets go.

HOWARD AND LEONARD START GETTING READY TO LEAVE

SHELDON

Wait, where are you guys going?

LEONARD

You heard Howard. We're going to Stuart's comic shop.

SHELDON

What about me? What about the Star Trek marathon? Who is going to take care of me?

HOWARD

(Imitating Dr. McCoy from Star Trek)

Dammit Sheldon, I'm an engineer not a doctor.

LEONARD

Goodbye Sheldon.

HOWARD AND LEONARD LEAVE THE APARTMENT. SHELDON MOTIONS TO THE LAPTOP

SHELDON

Well Amy, you'll keep a vigilant eye over me, right? Now that I've been abandoned by my so-called friends.

AMY

(OVER WEBCAM)

Actually Sheldon, I'm going to call Penny and make sure she's okay. She seemed to be upset when she left.

Sheldon

What about me? I'm the one that's dying here.

Amy

(OVER WEBCAM)

Grow up Sheldon, It's just a passing cold. You'll be alright.

SHELDON

Well you remember this day, the next time you get sick and need somebody to act as caregiver.

Amy

(OVER WEBCAM)

Would you come over here and take care of me?

SHELDON

Oh heavens no. Not while you're festering with disease.

AMY

Goodbye Sheldon.

SHELDON

(DISTRESSED)

Amy?

AMY

Yes.

SHELDON

Sing, Soft Kitty.

Amy

No.

THE WEB CAM FEED GOES BLACK

SHELDON

(TO HIMSELF)

I guess it's just me. Me and my Star Trek. Me, my Star Trek and...

GRABS THE BOWL OF SOUP

SHELDON

...my soup.

SHELDON SMELLS THE SOUP AND RECOILS

SHELDON

Well, I do need to get my fluids. I'm in no condition to get up. And nobody's coming to help me. I am starving. Here goes nothing...

SHELDON GULPS DOWN THE BOWL OF SOUP. HE PULLS THE BOWL AWAY AND STARTS TO RETCH TRYING TO KEEP IT DOWN

SHELDON

My goodness, that is rancid. I need to lie back down.

SHELDON LIES BACK ON THE COUCH AND TURNS UP THE VOLUME ON THE TELEVISION

SFX. ORCHESTRAL MUSIC, EXPLOSIONS AND LASER BLASTS

SHELDON

(HIS EYES STARTS TO DROOP AND HE YAWNS AS HE TALKS TO HIMSELF)

At least I still have my Star Trek.

SHELDON DRIFTS OFF TO SLEEP. THE SCREEN RIPPLES AND 'FLASHBACK' SOUND OF A HARP PLAYS

SCENE B

INT. *ALTERNATE* LEONARD AND SHELDON'S APARTMENT (HOURS LATER)

(SHELDON, PENNY, LEONARD, HOWARD, RAJ)

SHELDON WAKES UP IN AN ALTERNATE VERSION OF THE APARTMENT. THE FURNITURE IS IN THE SAME POSITION, BUT INSTEAD OF THE WHITEBOARDS AND COMIC BOOK PARAPHERNALIA THE APARTMENT IS DECORATED IN TASTEFUL MODERN ART. SHELDON BLINKS A FEW TIMES AS HE GATHERS HIS BEARINGS. HE RECOGNIZES THAT THINGS ARE DIFFERENT. HE FOCUSES ON SOME OF THE MORE NOTICEABLE PIECES OF ART AS SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAY AS THE CAMERA CATCHES SHOCKED REACTIONS OF SHELDON'S FACE, HE IS STILL IN HIS THE FLASH PAJAMAS

SHELDON

(TO HIMSELF)

What's going on around here? How long was I asleep?

PENNY KNOCKS ON THE DOOR

PENNY

(KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK)

Leonard?

(KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK)

Leonard?

(KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK)

Leonard?

SHELDON TURNS TOWARDS THE DOOR

SHELDON

(TO HIMSELF)

Well there's a familiar voice that can help explain what the heck's going on.

(OUT LOUD)

Come in.

PENNY WALKS IN, BUT SHE LOOKS DIFFERENT THAN SHE DID BEFORE. HER HAIR IS PULLED PACK INTO A TIGHT BUN AND SHE IS WEARING THICK FRAMED GLASSES. SHE IS DRESSED VERY CONSERVATIVELY AND CARRYING A FEW BOOKS

PENNY

Hello Sheldon. Oh you shaved your beard.

SHELDON

My beard? What the devil are you talking about?

PENNY

You're goatee? You shaved it. Oh well, is Leonard home?

SHELDON

He went to Stuart's comic shop with Howard. They went to go get Hurley from Lost's, autograph.

PENNY

(EXCITEDLY)

Jogre Garcia! Really! Do you think there's still time for me to get down there.

SHELDON

I'm surprised you even know who he is?

PENNY

Actually I'm surprised that Leonard and Howard know who he is. The last place I'd expect them to be, would be Stuarts comic shop.

Sheldon

What are you talking about? We go there every Wednesday for new comics.

PENNY

(SCOFFS)

Are you guys using a cloaking device or something? Because, when I go there every Wednesday and I've never seen you there, or the guys. You don't collect comics.

SHELDON

(STAMMERING)

Are you suffering from a mild delusion Penny? Not only do I collect comics, I have a rather respectable collection. Just over here.

SHELDON GETS OFF THE COUCH AND HEADS TOWARDS HIS BEDROOM. AS HE OPENS THE DOOR THE CAMERA SWITCHES TO INSIDE SHELDON'S ROOM. MUCH LIKE THE LIVING ROOM, IT IS ALSO FILLED WITH TASTEFUL ART AND NO COMIC BOOK COLLECTION. AS SHELDON OPENS THE DOOR HE NOTICES THE CHANGES

SHELDON

(SCREAMING)

Ahh!

THE SOUND OF SHELDON'S SCREAM ALL THE WHILE AS THE CAMERA SHOWS THE OUTSIDE OF THE BUILDING, AN AERIAL SHOT OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD, AN AERIAL SHOT OF CALIFORNIA, A AERIAL SHOT OF THE UNITED STATES, AN AERIAL SHOT OF THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE AND A SHOT OF THE EARTH FROM SPACE

SHELDON RUNS BACK INTO THE ALTERNATE VERSION OF LEONARD AND SHELDON'S LIVING ROOM

SHELDON

(PANICKING)

Somebody stole my comics! Somebody stole my...my...my everything! Penny what the hell is going on here?

PENNY

I don't know. You're the one acting crazy. And it's the first time I've seen you in years without your beard. To the best of my knowledge, you've never collected a comic book in your life and I think you're wearing my pajamas.

SHELDON

Something is very wrong here. This isn't my apartment. I never seen you dressed this way and you're reading...

SHELDON SNATCHES THE BOOK FROM PENNY'S HAND

SHELDON

...The Large Scale Structure of Space-Time by Stephen Hawking? I've never seen you read anything more complex than a Harry Potter novel.

JUST THEN LEONARD, HOWARD, AND RAJ ENTER THE APARTMENT. THEY ARE DRESSED IN TRENDY CLOTHES AND HAVE STYLISH HAIRCUTS

LEONARD

Were home.

THE CAMERA GETS CLOSE-UPS OF THE *ALTERNATE* GUYS

END OF ACT ONE FADE OUT

ACT TWO - SCENE C

INT. *ALTERNATE* LEONARD AND SHELDON'S APARTMENT

(PENNY, SHELDON, LEONARD, HOWARD, RAJ)

*ALTERNATE* LEONARD, HOWARD AND RAJ GET SETTLED IN. LEONARD SITS IN THE SINGLE CHAIR. HOWARD AND RAJ HEAD TO THE KITCHEN

PENNY

(SING-SONGY)

Hello Lenny.

LEONARD

(SIGHING)

Hi Penelope.

PENNY

So how was the comic book shop?

LEONARD

(ALMOST HORRIFIED)

The what?

PENNY

Sheldon said you guys were going to the comic shop.

LEONARD

(LAUGHS)

That's funny. No. No, we were at the gym.

RAJ

(WHILE OPENING UP THE REFRIGERATOR DOOR)

Yeah. Today, back and shoulders and tomorrow, calves and thighs. Do you wanna a Vitamin Water?

LEONARD

Bottle me, bro.

RAJ TOSSES A BOTTLE FROM THE KITCHEN, WHICH LEONARD EASILY CATCHES

Leonard

(TO SHELDON)

Yo Sheldon, when did you shave your beard?

(GESTURES TOWARDS SHELDON)

And what the hell are you wearing?

SHELDON

I'm wearing my Flash pajamas. I always wear these when I'm sick. Now you, you're the one dressed like a some young hot shot Hollywood actor.

RAJ

(TO SHELDON)

Dude, have you been dippin' into Lenny's stash?

RAJ LAUGHS

SHELDON

If, you are suggesting that I have been dabbling in illegal drugs, then you are out of your mind. I've never touched anything harder than allergy medication.

HOWARD

That doesn't sound like the Sheldon-ator we know. What happened to the Texas party monster?

SHELDON

Something is definitely wrong here. What happened to my friends? Was there some sort of lab accident at the university?

LEONARD

University?

SHELDON

Yes. Cal-Tech. Where we all work.

HOWARD

We don't work at a university.

(LAUGHING)

You must really be tripping on some really good stuff.

(IN A HUSHED VOICE)

Can I have some?

SHELDON CONTEMPLATES FOR A MOMENT LOOKING AT EACH OF HIS FRIENDS.

SHELDON

(SCREAMING)

Oh my God! Pod People!

SHELDON STARTS TO PANIC AND RUNS TOWARDS THE BEDROOMS. PENNY RUNS OVER TO GRAB HIM AND CALM HIM DOWN

PENNY

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sheldon calm down. There has to be a logical explanation for what going on here.

SHELDON

(ALMOST CRYING)

I can't be here. I can't be here, right now.

PENNY

Fine, lets calm down. We'll go outside and get some fresh air. Okay? We'll try to figure out what's going on. Once we have eliminated all impossible scenarios, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?

SHELDON

That is an extremely well thought out and intelligent argument, Penny.

PENNY

Thank you.

SHELDON

(FRIGHTENED AND COVERING HIS EYES)

My God! The world has gone mad!

PENNY

Lets go.

SHELDON FOLLOWS PENNY OUT THE APARTMENT, PAST THE GUYS

LEONARD

Hey, Sheldon, while your out, could you go on a beer run? We're running low.

HOWARD

(CHANTING ALONG WITH RAJ)

Beer run! Beer run! Beer Run!

SHELDON

I will do no such thing.

PENNY DRAGS SHELDON OUT THE APARTMENT

PENNY

Come on.

SCENE D

INT. *ALTENATE* 4TH FLOOR HALLWAY

(PENNY, SHELDON, AMY)

PENNY AND SHELDON STEP OUT INTO THE HALLWAY. PENNY STOPS AT THE ELEVATOR AS SHELDON STATS TO WALK DOWN THE STAIRS. THERE IS NO CAUTION TAPE CROSSING THE ELEVATOR DOORS

SHELDON

I'm sorry for acting this way. I'm a little stressed because everybody is acting so crazy and I don't know...

PENNY

(CLEARS HER THROAT)

Ahem.

SHELDON REALIZES THAT PENNY ISN'T WALKING DOWN THE STAIRS WITH HIM. HE HEADS BACK UP THE STAIRS AND STANDS BY PENNY AS SHE HITS THE ELEVATOR CALL BUTTON

SHELDON

So the elevator is working, now?

PENNY

The elevator was never broken.

SHELDON

(TO HIMSELF)

Because we never broke it.

PENNY

What?

SHELDON

Nothing.

THE ELEVATOR DOOR OPENS AND AMY FARRAH FOWLER STEPS OUT. SHE IS NOT WEARING GLASSES AND DRESSED SEDUCTIVELY

AMY

(TO SHELDON)

Hey sexy.

AMY WRAPS HER ARMS AROUND SHELDON'S NECK AND PLANTS A LONG PASSIONATE KISS ON SHELDON'S LIPS. SHELDON IS DISTURBED

PENNY

(SING-SONGY)

Hi Amy.

AMY

(SIGHING)

Hello Penelope.

(TO SHELDON)

Honey, why did you shave your goatee? You look so innocent. Rawr. You know I kinda like it. It makes me wanna corrupt you.

SHELDON

(PANICKING)

I need to get out of here!

SHELDON BREAKS OUT OF AMY'S GRASP AND STARTS TO RUN DOWN THE STAIRS. PENNY AND AMY STAND THERE SURPRISED FOR THE MOMENT.

SHELDON

(SCREAMS)

Ahh!

SHELDON RUNS BACK UP THE STAIRS

PENNY

What's going on?

SHELDON

I'm scared.

Amy

Scared? What would scare my big bad Sheldon?

AMY TRIES TO HUG SHELDON AGAIN. SHELDON DUCKS HER

SHELDON

Please don't touch me.

Penny

(IN A CALMING TONE)

What's happening honey?

SHELDON

It occurred to me that if things are crazy up here, I can only imagine how crazy things are out there. Have apes taken over the planet? Are we plugged into the Matrix?

PENNY

(TO AMY)

Head into the apartment. I'll calm Sheldon down. When we're ready, we'll come back in.

AMY

Okay but don't take too long with my hot rod.

AMY REACHES FOR SHELDON. SHELDON RECOILS AND DODGES AMY AGAIN

Sheldon

(AVOIDING AMY)

Yah!

PENNY

You'll be safe in here.

PENNY OPENS DOOR TO HER APARTMENT ACROSS THE HALL. SHELDON AND PENNY ENTER

SCENE E

INT. *ALTERNATE* PENNY'S APARTMENT

(PENNY, SHELDON)

PENNY'S *ALTERNATE* APARTMENT IS DECORATED IN COMIC BOOK PARAPHERNALIA AND FORMULAS WRITTEN ON WHITE BOARDS

SHELDON

(LOOKING AROUND IN AMAZEMENT)

Wow.

SHELDON LOOKS AT ONE PARTICULAR WHITEBOARD

SHELDON

Is that the diagram of the Higgs-Kibble Mechanism?

PENNY

Yes, I've been studying the spontaneous symmetry. The breaking of the underlying local symmetry triggers. The conversion of components of this Higgs field to Goldstone bosons and how they interact with other fields.

SHELDON

Fascinating.

PENNY

You mentioned that you work at the University? That's funny, because I thought you and the guys all worked as waiters at the Cheesecake Factory.

SHELDON

Don't be ridiculous.

PENNY

So tell me. From your point of view, how are things supposed to be?

SHELDON

Well first and foremost, I'm a doctor of theoretical physics at Cal-Tech. I work at the University with, Leonard, Howard, and Raj.

PENNY

And they are doctors, too?

SHELDON

Well Raj and Leonard are, Howard just has his masters in engineering.

Penny

(LAUGHS)

Howard? You mean the guy that can't even put his IKEA furniture together, is an engineer?

SHELDON

Why, yes. From where I come from.

PENNY

And where do you come from?

SHELDON

I don't know. Everything is backwards here. You, studying physics. The guys, working as waiters...

PENNY

(INTERRUPTING)

...and you, too.

SHELDON

(EMBARRASSED)

Don't remind me!

PENNY

So, you come from a place that is opposite from everything here?

SHELDON

Yes, very much so.

PENNY

(HAS A REVELATION)

You know what this is like? That episode of Star Trek The Original Series, Mirror Mirror.

SHELDON

Yes, when Kirk and Spock beamed back to the Enterprise they were in a parallel universe.

PENNY

But that happened because a magnetic storm was interfering the transporter.

(VERY SERIOUSLY)

Do they have transporters where you come from?

SHELDON

No.

PENNY

Do they have magnetic storms where you come from?

SHELDON

(IRRITATED)

No! Not on earth?

PENNY

So how did you get into our universe?

SHELDON

I fell asleep and woke up here.

PENNY

So this is a dream? It can't be. I'm real. I have a whole life full of memories. I grew up in Nebraska, went to M.I.T. then went to work at Cal-Tech. I know, maybe you can stick yourself. You know, like with a pin and if this is a dream you'll wake up.

PENNY RUNS INTO HER BATHROOM AND COMES OUT WITH A SAFETY PIN AND A BOTTLE OF RUBBING ALCOHOL. SHE POURS ALCOHOL ON THE PIN OVER THE KITCHEN SINK

PENNY

Here, I sanitized it, for you.

SHELDON

You want me to stick myself?

Penny

(ENTHUSIASTICALLY)

I'll do it.

SHELDON

(SNATCHES PIN)

No, I'll do it.

SHELDON RELUCTANTLY TAKES THE PIN, ROLLS UP HIS SLEEVES AND TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND GETS READY.

SHELDON

(COUNTING AS HE BRINGS THE PIN UP AND DOWN)

One...two...three.

SHELDON STICKS HIMSELF

SHELDON

(SCREAMS)

Ahh!

SHELDON LOOKS AROUND

SHELDON

I'm still here. So this isn't a dream.

Penny

Apparently not.

(PENNY GASPS)

Oh my goodness.

SHELDON

What?

PENNY

If you're here, then that means our Sheldon is there.

SHELDON

(DISTRESSED)

Oh no! He'll destroy my reputation. If he is a peer of those neanderthals across the way, he will surely undo everything I've worked for since I was twelve.

PENNY

Twelve?

SHELDON

When I started college.

PENNY

Oh, like me.

SHELDON SHAKES HIS HEAD AND SHRUGS HIS SHOULDERS, EXASPERATED.

SHELDON

I have to go back and talk to Leonard, Howard and Raj.

PENNY

Why?

SHELDON

I need to learn more about the other me. Maybe he did something to make us switch universes.

PENNY

That's brilliant.

SHELDON

I know.

PENNY

I should have thought of it first.

PENNY AND SHELDON CROSS THE HALLWAY BACK TO *ALTERNATE* LEONARD AND SHELDON'S APARTMENT

SCENE F

INT. *ALTERNATE* LEONARD AND SHELDON'S APARTMENT

(PENNY, SHELDON, LEONARD, HOWARD, RAJ, AMY)

SHELDON AND PENNY ENTER THE APARTMENT AND STAY BY THE DOOR. LEONARD IS SITTING IN THE SINGLE CHAIR, HOWARD AND RAJ ARE IN THE KITCHEN, DRINKING BEERS (THINK, COORS LIGHT), AMY IS IN SHELDON'S SPOT, ON THE COUCH. NOTE: PENNY LEAVES THE APARTMENT DOOR WIDE OPEN

SHELDON

(TO EVERYONE IN THE APARTMENT)

Tell me about me.

LEONARD

What?

SHELDON

I want you to tell me about me. More in particular, what have I done recently. Have I done anything out of the ordinary?

AMY

You mean, like, shave your beard?

SHELDON

(IRRITATED)

No, before that...and your in my spot.

Amy

What?

SHELDON

Oh, nothing, it's not really important right now.

(SHIVERING, THEN TALKING TO HIMSELF)

What the heck's wrong with me? This universe is changing me.

HOWARD

Yeah, I can think of something weird that you've done recently.

RAJ

(DRUNKENLY)

You mean, other than shave your beard?

LEONARD, HOWARD, RAJ, AND AMY, ALL LAUGH

HOWARD

(SNAPS OUT OF THE LAUGHTER)

No, seriously. Bernadette's niece was working on a science project. She needed a guinea pig, and I was surprised that you volunteered.

SHELDON

And what was she working on?

HOWARD

(VOICE SQUEAKING)

I don't know.

(VOICE BACK TO NORMAL)

She said she's working on something out of Star Trek but I don't know. I've never really watched that show.

SHELDON

Well we have to get in contact with her, so she can help me get back home.

RAJ

But, dude you are home.

Sheldon

(PANICKING)

No, I'm not home. I need to get back to where I belong. Not this...this...this polar opposite alterniverse.

AMY

No, I think you should stay here with us.

ALONG WITH AMY; LEONARD, HOWARD, AND RAJ STAND UP, ZOMBIE-LIKE AND STUMBLE TOWARDS SHELDON

AMY

(REPEATEDLY CHANTING ALONG WITH LEONARD, HOWARD AND RAJ)

Stay with us. Stay with us. Stay with us.

SHELDON

(TO PENNY)

What's going on?

PENNY

Apparently they want you to stay with them.

SHELDON

(SCARED)

What should we do!

PENNY

(SCREAMING)

Run!

SHELDON RUNS OUT TO THE HALL, SCREAMING. CAMERA SWITCHES TO THE 4TH FLOOR HALLWAY. THE SCENE QUICKLY FLASHES BETWEEN THE *ALTERNATE* 4TH FLOOR HALLWAY AND THE ELEVATOR DOOR OPEN AND OUR 4TH FLOOR HALLWAY WITH THE ELEVATOR DOOR CLOSED WITH THE OUT OF ORDER SIGN AND THE CAUTION TAPE

SCENE G

INT. 4TH FLOOR HALLWAY

(SHELDON, PENNY)

SHELDON'S SCREAMS STOP, AS HE REALIZES HE'S BACK HOME, BUT NOW HE IS ALONE. HEARING THE COMMOTION, OUR PENNY COMES TO THE DOOR OF HER APARTMENT

PENNY

Sheldon?

HAPPY TO SEE A FAMILIAR FACE, SHELDON RUNS OVER TO PENNY AND GIVES HER A BIG HUG, AND BURIES HIS HEAD INTO HER SHOULDER. PENNY IS CAUGHT OFF GUARD AND LOOKS CONFUSED

PENNY

Whats going on?

SHELDON

(WHIMPERING)

There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home.

Penny

So, I see your fever broke.

SHELDON DISENGAGES FROM THE HUG AND FEELS HIS FOREHEAD

SHELDON

You're right. I'd still have to get a confirmation from the thermometer, but I'm certainly not as hot as I was before. Was I having a fever induced hallucination?

Penny

I don't know, but I see, my homemade Nebraskan Corn husker soup cured you. You must have sweated out all the toxins. I told you it would cure you.

SHELDON

That's not how it works, Penny. The body doesn't simply sweat out a virus. The body releases antibodies when it recognizes that it is being invaded by a foreign entity...

PENNY

(INTERRUPTING)

Sheldon!

SHELDON

What?

PENNY

You stop right now or I'll your temperature... the hard way

END OF ACT TWO FADE OUT

TAG - SCENE H

INT. *ALTERNATE* LEONARD AND SHELDON'S APARTMENT

(PENNY, LEONARD, HOWARD, RAJ, AMY, SHELDON)

WE ARE BACK IN THE *ALTERNATE* VERSION OF LEONARD AND SHELDON'S APARTMENT. IT IS JUST MOMENTS AFTER SHELDON WAS CHASED OUT THE APARTMENT BY THE GUYS. PENNY TURNS AND IS LOOKING OUT THE DOOR TOWARDS THE HALLWAY

PENNY

He's gone.

RAJ

He must've ran right down the stairs.

PENNY

(UPSET)

Guys, that wasn't funny. He could have panicked and tripped down the stairs and really got hurt.

LEONARD

It's not our fault he can't take a joke.

AMY

There was something wrong with him. That wasn't my Sheldon.

HOWARD

Yeah, he looked so pale and thin. and He didn't even make one fart joke, while he was here.

JUST THEN, *ALTERNATE* SHELDON RUNS INTO THE APARTMENT. HE IS ALSO DRESSED IN STYLISH CLOTHES AND HAS A GOATEE. HE CLOSES THE DOOR BEHIND HIM AND LEANS HIS BACK AGAINST IT

SHELDON

What the **** just happened?

FADE OUT

END OF SHOW


End file.
